Reassessing where I’m headed

Jonathan was right. Jonathan, was my MA Fine Art teacher FYI, and also the best human being I’ve ever known.

He was right when, during one of my MA tutorials he said when people reach their goals, it isn’t as gratifying as one would imagine. Why not? I thought then, I’d give anything to see some of my ambitions realized. His reasoning was that the end of a goal always leaves one wondering what one ought to do next. He gave the example of a successful artist he had once interviewed, who, after a particularly successful conceptual piece, felt at a loss about what to create next. (I wonder if the creator of the million-dollar-taped-banana feels this way. Was it for a million? Whatever).

Anyway, back then I thought, LIFE GIMME MY GOALS. I don’t care what happens next.

So life said, fine. It slapped me in the face with a completed masters, a couple of awards and said there you go. Happy?

And you know what I realized? For the longest time afterwards, I wasn’t!

I was actually a bit lost. Aimless like a person with a bad hangover.

I didn’t know what I want to do next, I just wanted to relive the dramatic ending over and over. or re-do the whole thing just to arrive at the same conclusion. The point is, we have to take joy in the uncertainty of the process. A desperate scramble to the finish line is unnecessary and detrimental because the finish line ain’t gratifying in and of itself. The trophies you get are just cups made of metal. Not holy grails.

I spent the end of 2019 doing nothing. I failed and I failed and I failed because I didn’t know what I wanted! Without want there’s no direction, without direction there are no goals, without goals what steps can you take?

Only when 2020 began and threw everyone into complete havoc did I began to sort myself out. And while the following may not be interesting to all of you, here are my goals for the rest of the 2/3rds (hopefully) of my life.

  1. I want to be a science fiction/fantasy writer. A famous one. One people read. (you guys will help by reading my stories right?)
  2. I want to take part, occasionally, in residencies and exhibitions, hopefully impactful ones that record the existence of my art.
  3. I want to illustrate the stories I write, and I can illustrate ones you write too, email me!
  4. I want to continue impacting the community through my art.

And that’s it. Summary: I basically want to be a part of the nascent South Asian SFF market AND I want to be a part of the evolving middle-eastern art market. It’s fun to be a cog in a revolution.

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